Doubleshot Expert
Lawyers are just people. And some of my favorite people happen to be lawyers. Heck, it's the most common occupation of my customer base. But every once in a while, I talk to a lawyer that really makes me want to vomit on his (or her) face. You know the ones- they passed the bar exam and are really cool. See, they drive a BMW. Can't you see how cool and rich they are? And the bar exam... man, that must be hard. So many brilliant lawyers out there. Way smarter than us normal, common folk. We the dumb people. Need lawyers to help us understand.
So this fool walks in to the coffeeshop and asks me the status on the Starbucks issue. I tell him. I'm probably not supposed to put this out on the internet, but I'm going to tell you too.
They stopped sending me letters and have resorted to calling. They said that they're not anti- small business. They understand my position and they think I have some good points. They are just "policing" their trademark. So they changed their mind. They want to settle this thing in a reasonable way, so all they're asking now is that I put a space between Double and Shot, and they'll pay to have everything changed. Hmm. Let me think about that. What does that mean?
Now back to the fool lawyer. I told him that's unacceptable. They're obviously backing down and asking me to do something arbitrary because they know I'm right, yet they still want it to look like they were right. He said something about "Sam Bucks." Said that judges don't like to make new law. They just like to look at the precedent and make decisions based on that. He told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "I told you how to win this case a long time ago, but you didn't listen to me." And then he told me, "You're a bright guy, and make good coffee, but you're not an expert in everything. You don't know law."
Let me say this. Of all the people in the entire world, I know more about THIS case and the law involved than anyone. I know the history. I know the laws involved. I know how they relate to the coffee industry specifically. I know how they relate to the descriptive term "DOUBLESHOT." I know why I'm right.
See, Mr. Generic Lawyer, back when Starbucks first applied for this trademark, the USPTO told them they needed a disclaimer stating "No claim is made to the exclusive right to use 'DOUBLESHOT' apart from the mark as shown." The controversy here is that the USPTO withdrew that requirement after receiving a letter from Starbucks that is full of misstatements and prevarication. In one section of this letter, Starbucks' lawyers state that they already own the trademark "DOUBLE SHOT" for "use in connection with closely related goods." (I'm not sure chocolate and candy are "closely related goods," but I'm not a lawyer, so what do I know.) They go on to say that the space between "double" and "shot" is an "immaterial difference" between the two marks.
Seems like, once again, some lawyers didn't do their homework.
Some lawyers piss me off.
Hey generic lawyer, don't try to make me look stupid; you're not that smart. Nice pink shirt.
So this fool walks in to the coffeeshop and asks me the status on the Starbucks issue. I tell him. I'm probably not supposed to put this out on the internet, but I'm going to tell you too.
They stopped sending me letters and have resorted to calling. They said that they're not anti- small business. They understand my position and they think I have some good points. They are just "policing" their trademark. So they changed their mind. They want to settle this thing in a reasonable way, so all they're asking now is that I put a space between Double and Shot, and they'll pay to have everything changed. Hmm. Let me think about that. What does that mean?
Now back to the fool lawyer. I told him that's unacceptable. They're obviously backing down and asking me to do something arbitrary because they know I'm right, yet they still want it to look like they were right. He said something about "Sam Bucks." Said that judges don't like to make new law. They just like to look at the precedent and make decisions based on that. He told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "I told you how to win this case a long time ago, but you didn't listen to me." And then he told me, "You're a bright guy, and make good coffee, but you're not an expert in everything. You don't know law."
Let me say this. Of all the people in the entire world, I know more about THIS case and the law involved than anyone. I know the history. I know the laws involved. I know how they relate to the coffee industry specifically. I know how they relate to the descriptive term "DOUBLESHOT." I know why I'm right.
See, Mr. Generic Lawyer, back when Starbucks first applied for this trademark, the USPTO told them they needed a disclaimer stating "No claim is made to the exclusive right to use 'DOUBLESHOT' apart from the mark as shown." The controversy here is that the USPTO withdrew that requirement after receiving a letter from Starbucks that is full of misstatements and prevarication. In one section of this letter, Starbucks' lawyers state that they already own the trademark "DOUBLE SHOT" for "use in connection with closely related goods." (I'm not sure chocolate and candy are "closely related goods," but I'm not a lawyer, so what do I know.) They go on to say that the space between "double" and "shot" is an "immaterial difference" between the two marks.
Seems like, once again, some lawyers didn't do their homework.
Some lawyers piss me off.
Hey generic lawyer, don't try to make me look stupid; you're not that smart. Nice pink shirt.
posted by Brian at 8:22 PM
40 Comments:
Hilarious. The tie's pink, though, not the shirt. The shirt is white.
Hey smart guy, do you know what libel is? LOOSER!!!
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This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Noone knows the Law and Coffee like DoubleShot!
You should listen to that lawyer and all lawyers because we know what we are talking about.
h3
Do not be so hard on the guy. Generic is a good friend of mine and he is not so bad. He likes to help people out and that was what he was doing for you. Like I have said about another good friend of mine Sean C he is really a good guy.
Nitin
What kind of name is Doubleshot anyway. That is about the dumbest, most assinine name I have ever heard of. Oh and I love soccer.
Aaron
I think if you were to put a big horse's ass in between "Double" and "Shot" it would really bring the name together. I like horses. Probably bring in more customers too. I know I'd stop in every day for a look. Or two. Especially if you sold bourbon in the morning. I can't have bourbon in my office you know.
I think Alan Tudyk is a good actor.
you hit the nail on the head kyhusker
I'd like to take a giant, steaming, filthy, shat all over your face.
I...Am...God.
Nothing better than partying Luke from Duke and hot FSU babes!!! Keg stands for everyone!
Anyone want to drive their SUV's down to the Doublesnot. We can go to Biaggi's afterwards for desert. Then maybe my husband can kick Jason's ass for nailing me
So if you add a space would it be Doubles Hot? Hold on a second, is htis a coffe shop or a swingers club????
I like Indians...dot not feather. Well, dot and feather. Hell, maybe I'll send you guys a text message
ISU will take the Big 12 North this year. Brett Heismeyer will rush for 1000 and pass for 1000. Barney Ball, baby!
Don't forget our impressive win over Miami a couple years back. That win got our program back on track.
I like Indians...dot not feather. Well, dot and feather. Hell, maybe I'll send you guys a text message
The most recent Zogby results show that your coffee's approval rating has plummeted to 34%.
Also, lawyers are the best people on earth, whose only goal is to help the little guy against rich people like you who refuse to pay their share of taxes.
awwww fuck it. nu 38 bama 6 wants to meet young guys at Biaggis for desert. Maybe a little tennis afterwards.
Anyone else here just L-O-V-E the band "Bright Eyes"?
Do young Vietnamese boys frequent your establishment? If so, I would be interested in becoming a patron.
Also, always remember my philisophical wisdom: "Make 'Now' always the most precious time. Now will never come again."
I just got off the phone with the Starbucks people and I have some bad news and some good news. Keep an eye on this blog for the complete write up. Chances of keeping the name 35%
So when your "how do you do" becomes little more than a lot of other things that you may think can be one thing but are really more about a larger picture of a collection of different things that you didn't realize existed but indeed did exist. But like my mama always says, you shouldn't put all these things into one thing that no one understands because it can be larger than you can think. So, in short, your coffee is going to be the thing that everyone thought it wouldn't be but what you said it shouldn't.
This is how drunk i am. I booty-called girl A, a semi-regular, and she didn't answer. Then I booty-called girl B, a semi-regular who works for girl A (girl A has no idea about girl B and I), & she didn't answer either. It's Monday night, which for me is a weekend (i'm kid-free on mon & tue nights), and they're likely in bed. So no big deal, it aint happening tonight with either of them or others, and the girl I was trying to pick up tonight was a psycho who I got sick of ("ooh i hate this town I'm moving to LA to runway or act yadda yadda [Censored] yadda").
So then I text-messaged girl B and said 'hey, don't tell (girl A) about my call, and I won't tell her about your occasional late-night calls/texts to me - deal?" Then I looked.... and instead of sending that message to Girl B (about keeping our thing a secret from girl A), I [Censored] sent it TO GIRL A.
I am an idiot. I just want to go out of state and come back in abotu 3 weeks.
So the Crux of the situation is that you've you origianlly were only man enough for a single shot and then you got in touch with your inner self and mustered up a Double Shot. Now some big business and two bit lawyer wants to take that hard work away from you. I think it's time you flex your Mental Muscle and show them who the boss of you really is.
I got me a turtle head poking out. I'm not kidding; I really got to crap!
You get what you deserve. Furthermore, did you know that Husker Football as I know it started in the 90's. Gawd those teams would have been dominate if only that stubborn TO would have thrown the ball more.
So does this lawyer only work in generics? What about plain labels? I cut my chewin lip on a can of plain label beer and im lookin to sue those sons a bitches. Any idea where I can find me a generic lawyer that works in plain labels too.
you sound like one of those liberal commies that I teach my daughter to ha...er dislike. Did you hear that Starbucks is putting listening devices in their coffee? Please don't tell the NY Times as we might lose a valuable tool in our fight against the terrorists and commie invasion. Btw - do you know OldSchool...he borrowed my tinfoil hat and I really need it back.
You need to play so great music. Staind is my all time favorite band. I'm also a sweater vest type guy so I think I'd fit in well with your group.
I just fouled Dwyane Wade.
The refs are my henchmen, and Mark Cuban is my bitch.
You know it is all Bush's fault.
back when I taught in the middle school I used to guide my problematic children down a path that would help them avoid these damn generic lawyers. Then I moved to Baltimore and joined the Rene-GAY-ds Rugby team. Now I spend my time getting into scrums with Pink wearing lawyers and I LOVE IT. You should come join our team. Just Google Renegades rugby baby. Love You.
I'm a lawyer and I did some research...turns out ISU sucks ass. Please pay me $150.
DUDES!!! IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT YOU SHOULD BE OUT DRINKIN WITH HOT FSU BABESS!!!!! KEG STAND PARTY DOWN WITH LUKE!!
I guess what comes around goes around. I can think of few people who liked Generic Lawyer in law school. He was very rude and pompous. He didn't hesitate to put people down or smart-off to the professors. He would respond to mass emails by putting the sender down. His smart ass comments would go out to the whole school. I really don't know the value in acting like a complete jerk...but he did. One of my favorite memories in law school was watching Generic Lawyer get kicked out of Torts class by Professor Johnny Parker. God, I wish I videotaped that.
Definition of libel (for your reference): An UNTRUTHFUL statement about a person, published in writing or through broadcast media, that injures the person's reputation or standing in the community. Because libel is a tort (a civil wrong), the injured person can bring a lawsuit against the person who made the false statement. Libel is a form of defamation , as is slander (an untruthful statement that is spoken, but not published in writing or broadcast through the media).
Lukefromduke mentions libel so I thought I'd post a definition. The truth is not libel. And that is DA TROOF!
Now if only Generic Lawyer would put as much thought into the women he takes home as he does into the coffee he drinks, we would all be spared the agony of watching him make an ass out of himself!
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